Jillian Michaels got her start back in 2004 as The Biggest Loser's inaugural fitness trainer, and she's been a household name ever since. Long elusive about her sexual identity, Jillian went public as gay around 2012. She recently got engaged to longtime partner Heidi Rhoades, with whom she shares two kids: Heidi's biological child, Phoenix, whom Jillian adopted, and Lukensia, the couple's adopted daughter.
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Jillian spoke to Cosmopolitan.com about the decision to film her reality TV show, Just Jillian, and about what was like to be a public figure with a secret.
Do you ever wish you had come out or been more open about your sexuality even earlier?
No, and here's why: Adoption was something I was passionate about and planning on pursuing. I didn't know where the future was going to take me, where I was going to live, or where I was going to find my child, but I did know [that the system penalizes same-sex couples] and that I needed to be able to say, 'I'm a single mom,' to adopt in certain places. I was not going to allow prejudiced people with power to limit my ability to find the right child for me. So I was open about having been in relationships with women, but the minute I had my family legally, that is when I came out fully.
What's the best part about being officially out that you weren't expecting?
Really just showing my kids that you should never be ashamed to be who you are. It might not be the easiest path in the world, but there's a real freedom in authenticity and having the courage to be your authentic self.
Before you were able to be open about your sexuality and your relationship, was Heidi or was anyone else in your life ever hurt by you being less than forthright?
I'm going to say no because that's what needed to happen in order to get around the adoption system.
We started out looking in Ethiopia, where I put both of our names on the form, and they refused to work with us. I was like, "Wait a second, how many kids are there in Ethiopia that have no home, no one to love them, no one to give them food, education, health care, tuck them in at night, and dab their noses when they're sick, but legitimate gay parents get a 'no'?" It's disgusting. Heidi understood the circumstances, so I don't think she ever thought, This is about me, or, You're not proud of me. I think she really knew what was at stake.
It sounds like having kids has made it a lot easier for you to be openly gay.
When we had our kids, gay marriage was still not legal. So being able to make it legal, and say, "These are our kids, we are their legal parents, and no one can take that away from us," makes you feel like you're kind of safe.
Do you feel a lot of pressure to be a role model for the gay community?
Ironically, I've often been attacked by the very same community that I am apparently representing. Any minority is going to have issues with a person who seemingly represents them because you don't necessarily represent them the way they want to be represented. I realize the gay community wants me to say and do certain things, but I am who I am. I'm not here to make a political statement, I'm just here to live my life and be myself.
How did coming out affect your career?
There was definitely a backlash. When I first came out years ago, I lost a couple of big campaigns and had a couple of magazine covers fall through. I won't name names because I'm not interested in being sued again, but they claimed they'd decided to move in a different direction. Down the road, I did end up getting another opportunity to be on cover, but I realize life is never going to be easy. There's always going to be some form of adversity.
Before you signed on to do Just Jillian, you'd said that you were worried about doing a reality TV show out of fear that your family would be attacked. Now that you've filmed your first season, have your fears been confirmed, or has everyone been more welcoming than you'd expected?
It wasn't as though we weren't already getting attacks, so it was just more of the same once the show came out. I'm glad that we did it because one of the ways I think that we will start to evolve people's way of thinking and allow for more acceptance is by helping them see what same-sex couples and families look like — that it's not scary, but relatable. If even one person turned around and said, "That's not what I thought it was. Whatever it was that was intimidating me or that I thought was scary or gross is actually not," I think that's the best way to go about exacting change. Watch the show, and I think you will find that our family is just as ridiculous, as absurd, as dysfunctional, and as funny as everybody else's is.
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You've said before that you originally interpreted your disinterest in men as "something wrong with you." Has your perspective changed?
As a kid, I didn't know I was gay, so I just didn't understand why I was not attracted to boys. I would like boys and have a little boyfriend, and it would be great until things started to get physical, when I'd freeze up and not know what to do. I was like, What is wrong with me? Why am I not feeling like my friends feel? It wasn't until I was kissed by a girl when I was 18 years old that I was like, Oh my god, have I been gay? Nowadays, kids are so much more accepting, but when I was in high school, it was a very different world. It was something I had to come to terms with.
How did you end up coming out to your family and what was that like?
I don't have a relationship with my father so it was never an issue. With my mom, I broke her in slowly, like, "I think I might, maybe be bisexual, Mom." When I fell in love with a woman and told her I was gay, to this day, I swear she responded by saying something like, "If I were to fall in love with a woman, I think it would be Hillary Clinton." She denies it! I'm really lucky to have a really incredible mom. There was never a moment of upset or disgust.
Is there anything you wish you'd known before coming out publicly?
Progress is incremental. As a species, we're not perfect; we are constantly evolving and progressing. You look at where we came in the last two years with gay rights, and it's enormous. And yet you see the tremendous backlash and the tremendous bigotry. We have a lot of work to do.
Catch up on Jillian's reality TV show, Just Jillian, during Xfinity's Watchathon Week, which runs through Sunday, April 24.
This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.
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Elizabeth Narins is a Brooklyn, NY-based writer and a former senior editor at Cosmopolitan.com, where she wrote about fitness, health, and more. Follow her at @ejnarins.
