There may be many reasons to explain why Duke Nukem Forever languished in a development cycle that lasted for 15 years, but there is one that can’t be denied: as a game, it was already hopelessly out-of-date before work on it had even begun.

Duke Nukem Forever (2011) is the sequel to Duke Nukem 3D (1996), but it wasn’t the only Duke Nukem game released in the time between these two games. These other spin-offs are significant because while they enjoyed their release at the apex of the series’ popularity, they also displayed the franchise fatigue that signalled the end of the series, long before the inevitable sequel arrived in 2011.

One of these spin-offs, Duke Nukem: A Time to Kill (1998), was not made by original makers 3D Realms. Instead, this game freshens up the franchise with third-person jumping and dodging that are liberally inspired by Tomb Raider. As kickass as it is to shoot cops dressed as pigs (or the other way around, whichever lesson you learned from Animal Farm), this game is unfortunately still limited by the fact it’s a Duke Nukem game.

That sounds weird since Duke Nukem is a character about excess, but then, part of a life of excess is being self-indulgent.

Duke Nukem is a satire on 80’s action heroes. The reason why Duke Nukem was still relevant up until the late 90’s is because it had taken that long for all these great action movies and their dialog to come out. It was okay to enjoy Duke Nukem since we were still getting over the ridiculousness of the 80s. But as the 90s were running out, so too was the tolerance for the blatant misogyny shown by this game.

That’s not to say there isn’t a place in video to enjoy the female form, especially ever since scientists have perfected the physics required to animate it. However, everything exists in a context, because that’s the way how art (which is what games are, sigh) is appreciated.

“Gritty reboot” is the way old characters and stories get updated for a modern audience because it’s an instant way to make past ideals relevant for right now. If Duke Nukem was given this treatment, he’d be a washed up has-been trying to relive his glory days—just what Duke Nukem Forever turned out to be.

As a sign of uncanny prescience, Duke Nukem: A Time to Kill features a song on its opening cinematic that contains the lyric “I won’t become the thing I hate”.

15 years is a long time to hold onto the angst, kiddo.

 

How far did I get in an half an hour: got stuck after turning off the sewer water. It’s dark down there

Would I play this game once this year is over: Sorry, too busy chewing bubble gum, and I’ve got a lot of bubble gum

Days so far in the Year of the Play-a-DayStation: 8