• An elongated rod, usually made out of plastic or steel, with a camera on one end and a dense moron on the other.

I often contemplate whether a selfie stick is a revolutionary gizmo that has enabled tech savvy individuals to progress in the modern world. However i also contemplate whether this new gadget has profoundly enhanced narcissism to already self indulged individuals. Introducing the the era of the Narcissistick.

I am a self proclaimed photo taking, video capturing and snapchat sending fiend. I have always enjoyed capturing moments with friends, family, and every day life occurrences. However even i have found myself retracting from this new ‘revelation’ and now hang my head in shame for ever being part of the culture.

The photos taken by said stick always appear uncomfortable, awkward and rather self indulged. As humans we seem to have this inadvertent need to parade our self worth to the masses. I guess it’s similar to the animal world but instead of puffing out our feathered chests to show the animal kingdom we are important, we simply take a pretentious picture of ourselves on a Caribbean island.

Why do we do this? Why are we so obsessed with dressing up our mundane lives and exerting it in such a self approving way. It is an illness that no selfie taker should relish in.

A friend told me that a new study found that an abundance of restaurant customers had complained about their food being cold due to the time they spent taking pictures of it. I think she made this study up, however she raises a good point. The second we are presented food in an attractive manner, we physically can’t dig in until we have instragram’d the shit out of our eggs benedict with a side of soy coffee, with the froth in the shape of a cat. It’s madness.

Imagine if historians uncovered a startling discovery about our ancestors – The cavemen. They find footage of neanderthals setting out for their weekly hunt in search of a mesmerizing meal for both the eyes and the stomach. They shortly return with the ingredients, however this is actually where the hard work begins. They find a picturesque backdrop before placing the perfectly arranged bloodied boar carcass in front of it. They carefully snap the bones and re-arrange it to form a heart, which is bludgeoned on top of the animals head. However they don’t stop there, oh no. They search for the perfect sized leaves from a nearby tree and analytically decipher where to place them. This is used not just for garnish but also for decoration. They then would walk to the biggest and largest cave wall, get out there picks and carefully engrave the image of the meal they had made. The wall in itself is the first signs of primitive social networking. Once the tribes in nearby caves have seen this miraculous carving of food porn, the cavemen returns to eat his now cold meal. To which he finds does not taste as good as the carving perceives.

Sounds ridiculous right? THEN WHY ARE WE BLOODY DOING IT.

I recently went for a meal at Cafe rouge and there was every opportunity for me to take a picture, i ordered escargot and duck confit for god’s sake. The temptation was high. However i decided to enjoy the company and just taste the food for what it was, not a picture or a moment but a food. A bloody delicious food.

Further reading:
Study: We’ll Enjoy Food More If You Don’t Instagram It